So you married the woman of your dreams and you're happy in suburbia with two kids, a car, and a dog. Picture perfect? Yep.

But where’s the spice?

By Paolo Abrera

The great irony is, it’s the very thing that makes our marriage so warm and fuzzy and comfortable that also can occasionally dampen the fire. I’m talking about routine.

Routine coupled with having to split your attention with the growing number of things that require you to spend less time with your wife.

And I mean time together that is intimate, where you keep your connections more than just about managing the family and home. The kids, the house, the job and the day-in-day-out routine of juggling all of these things that make us who we are can sometimes leave us looking for more spice.

You have to be conscious of when things start falling into routine, and you have to work at keeping connected to your wife in ways beyond just being a partner when it comes to rearing your children and sharing the household. Make time for each other and be available to each other. Life can move so fast that keeping the spice in the marriage can become the last priority. Don’t forget the number one reason you got married in the first place. The heat of your connection and the shared passion for one another.



Our number one way to keep the fires burning and have time with each other is to travel. Pack a bag and leave the kids and the house in the care of a trusted relative and just hit the road, or even better, catch a flight. The only way to leave it all behind is to, well, leave it all behind. Taking time to be with each other in an environment that is new and stimulating to both of you is one of the best ways to “recharge the batteries."

I love waking up in a different place with my wife and knowing that the whole day will be spent together without any of the usual distractions and pressures. Being away from it all means we focus our attentions and energies on each other, and discovering a new place together seems bring us back to the days when life fit into a smaller bag and things were more spontaneous and exciting.

Even just the planning of a trip in advance and the build-up to the trip itself can be exciting, because of the anticipation it builds when you look forward to having time together and taking a break from the distractions of the home and kids.

Just as important as doing things together is making sure you do things apart too. Having “me time" or having things that define you as an individual are important in keeping things fresh. Continually reinvent yourself. Learn a new sport, go to the gym, or take up a new hobby that brings out new and exciting aspects of yourself as an individual...not to mention keep you in good shape.



Things become predictable and routine when you know each other too well because there isn’t anything new in the relationship. You’ll be surprised how fresh and surprising you and your partner can be when you have things that are your own. In other words don’t lose yourself in the marriage. My great learning is that a marriage is always a partnership of two different people, so remember to be your own person. And take care of that person. Yes, I mean inside and out. Just because it’s a done deal doesn’t mean you can stop working at it. Stay active, go to the gym, and change your haircut. Ok, that last one is tough for me given what I have to work with now. But I always make an effort to keep things fresh. Do it for yourself, its good for the ego. And do it for your partner. When you feel good about yourself, you bring more into the partnership.

Being married has been the start of things for me, not the end of the romance. Don’t lose sight of yourself or why you married your wife in the first place. Make time to celebrate that passion together and the fires will always be burning.